Bike Shorts, NIL Snitches & QB Redemption Arcs

Welcome back, gridiron junkies, DFS degenerates, and chaos connoisseurs.

It’s mid-July and college football is in full preseason delusion mode. Coaches are moralizing about NIL like they’re running a philosophy seminar. Collectives are getting sued. And Deion Sanders is waging war on bike shorts. Meanwhile, actual football is on the horizon—and the depth chart drama, sleeper QBs, and opening weekend chaos are already heating up.

We’ve got headlines you can’t make up, opinion that won’t pull punches, and three quarterbacks the media forgot but your fantasy team shouldn’t.

Let’s go.

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📰 HEADLINES: Where Sanity Goes to Die

CSC Cracks Down on NIL Collectives Over “Business Purpose”
The College Sports Commission is yanking the leash on collectives that can’t prove a “valid business purpose” behind player payments. Deals where athletes get six figures to do a podcast no one listens to? Now in legal limbo. The timing is no accident—this comes right as the NCAA’s $2.8 billion settlement is teetering. Lawsuits are likely. So is chaos. 📎 Read More

Brian Kelly Pledges NIL Transparency (While Shading Michigan)
After losing five-star QB Bryce Underwood to Michigan’s rumored $12 million NIL bag, LSU’s coach is going full church-sermon on ethics. He’s offering to match up to $1M in donations to prove LSU’s commitment to transparency. No word yet if “transparency” includes giving Underwood the actual offer sheet. 📎 Read More

Deion Sanders Declares War on Biker Shorts
Coach Prime has had it. The trend of players rolling up game pants into thigh-high biker shorts has Sanders fuming, calling it “disrespectful” and “sickening.” He wants penalties. He wants tradition. He wants knee pads. In a world of portal chaos and NIL millions, this is the hill he’s choosing to die on. 📎 Read More

💥 HARD-HITTING OPINION: Stop Polishing the Dumpster

The NIL mess isn’t about lack of oversight—it’s about systemic hypocrisy. The same people who screamed about “fair compensation” are now building fine print to claw it back. The CSC wants “valid business purposes”? Since when did boosters need an ROI for vanity spending?

If schools and coaches are allowed to act like hedge funds, let the players act like assets. Until players get real union protections or enforceable rights, all this policy talk is lipstick on a flaming pig. Either embrace the chaos—or get out of the way and let the players cash in properly.

🧠 3 QBs You’re Sleeping On (And Shouldn't Be)

Josh Hoover – TCU
He threw for nearly 4,000 yards and 27 TDs last season—yet somehow people act like he’s a system placeholder. He’s not. Hoover is running Sonny Dykes’ tempo-fueled attack with poise, arm talent, and confidence. He’s a top-20 CFF arm hiding behind the flashier names.

Luke Altmyer – Illinois
USA Today ranked him the second-best QB in the Big Ten. Seriously. The former Ole Miss transfer cleaned up his game last season, tossing 18 TDs to just 4 INTs while guiding Illinois to 10 wins. He’s efficient, mobile, and now comfortable in the system. If you’re fading him, it’s because you haven’t actually watched him.

Drew Allar – Penn State
NFL scouts already love him. Allar passed on the draft to return, and he’s loaded with weapons. Penn State’s offense was too conservative last year, but the leash is off now. With a favorable early schedule and national spotlight potential, he’s one breakout away from being the Heisman frontrunner.

🔥 WEEK 1 SPOTLIGHT: Missouri vs LSU

No, it’s not Georgia vs whoever. The game we’re circling is Missouri heading into Death Valley to face LSU. This one drips with storylines: Brian Kelly on a moral high horse after losing Underwood, Mizzou trying to prove 2024 wasn’t a fluke, and both teams loaded with offensive fireworks.

Expect scoring, drama, and at least one coaching decision that will break a fanbase’s brain. Don’t be shocked if Mizzou walks out with a season-defining upset—or if LSU drops 50 in response to the offseason noise.

That’s it for this week’s edition of “we should probably unionize college athletes but also I need to win my dynasty league.”

We’ll be back Thursday with a fresh stats drop, fantasy cheat codes, and more NIL-fueled chaos.

Until then, remember: punting is for cowards.

— The Convert on Fourth Down Team

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