New Rules, Old Chaos

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Welcome back, tunnel vision truthers, injury report skeptics, and stadium concession survivalists.

Week 0 barely kicked off, and we’ve already got turf drama in Dublin, quarterback roulette in Columbia, and coaches declaring championship-or-bust like it’s still media day. The Playoff format changed (again), schools are nickel-and-diming fans into a new tax bracket, and Dan Mullen nearly lost to Idaho State. College football is officially back.

This edition is for the fans who spot depth chart doublespeak from a mile away, the ones who know what it means when the backup takes first reps in warmups, and anyone who’s kept a spreadsheet of playoff tiebreaker scenarios since July. If you know, you know.

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📰 2-Minute Drill: Where Logic Goes to Die

Nussmeier Inherits the LSU Halo
LSU handed Garrett Nussmeier the sacred No. 18 jersey, signaling he’s the locker room’s spiritual heir to Hester, White, and other tiger-blood legends. Translation: steady hands, no drama, and the kind of guy who wouldn’t crash a four-wheeler on Bourbon.
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Delaware Flees FCS to Survive
Delaware’s jump to FBS wasn’t about dreams—it was about not dying on the vine. Conference USA gets a new member, and Delaware gets to pretend this was about ambition.
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College Football Is Nickel-and-Diming You to Death
Want to see your team win by 40 against a glorified JV squad? That’ll be $11 for a soda and $30 to sit under a scoreboard sponsored by a pest control firm. Revenue generation is now a full-contact sport.
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New Season, New Rules, Same Complaints
The College Football Playoff seeding got tweaked (finally), the Rose Bowl got shoved earlier, and everyone’s already mad about it. Just wait until Notre Dame finishes 11–1 and skips conference title week for a bye.
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Dan Mullen’s Rebels Survive and Stress Eat
UNLV scraped by Idaho State in Dan Mullen’s sideline return thanks to Jai'Den Thomas doing all the damage and the defense grabbing four INTs. The Rebels “enjoyed it,” which is what you say when you win ugly and your stadium’s 40% full.
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📼 Instant Classic

Iowa State 24, Kansas State 21 – Aviva Stadium, Dublin, Ireland

Farmageddon went international, and the result was an unhinged, beautiful mess on imported turf. Iowa State edged out Kansas State 24–21 in a soggy, turnover-soaked slugfest that ended with QB Rocco Becht milking the final five minutes off the clock like he was born to run out the Irish sun.

There were five combined turnovers, two fourth-down stops inside the red zone, and a stretch in the third quarter where both teams forgot what a first down was. But Becht’s two-touchdown day and a gutsy defensive stand sealed it, giving Iowa State an opening win that felt more like a November title decider.

A one-score game, in a foreign country, between two top-25 teams that absolutely hate each other? Yeah. That’s an Instant Classic.

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🎙️ Coach Speak Decoder Ring

What they said:
“I think we’re at a point that if we’re not in the Big 12 championship game, then it’s probably not a successful season... Can we stay healthy? Can the guys come through like we think they can?”
— Sonny Dykes, TCU head coach, on program expectations

What they meant:
Dykes just set the bar on fire and dared his roster to clear it, no excuses, no caveats, just rings or regret. He tossed out “health” like a polite disclaimer, but make no mistake: anything less than a Big 12 title shot is now officially failure. Hope the Frogs are stretching properly, because the room for error is gone and the standard is crystal.

🧢 The Backup Plan: Quarterback Controversy of the Week

Location: Columbia, Missouri
Involved Parties: Sam Horn vs. Beau Pribula (and a lurking Matt Zollers)

Missouri’s quarterback room looks less like a depth chart and more like a preseason talent show. Head coach Eli Drinkwitz still hasn’t named a starter after fall camp, and he's now using the Tigers' Week 1 cupcake as a live audition.

Sam Horn has the arm and the MLB contract (he just signed with the Dodgers). Beau Pribula brings Big Ten seasoning from Penn State. Meanwhile, true freshman Matt Zollers is reportedly turning heads like a future starter who might become the present if chaos hits early.

Translation: Drink is stalling. One bad drive and this becomes a weekly drama, perfect for fans, brutal for fantasy owners.

🚨 DEFCON 1: Hitting the Panic Button

Status: Calm before the storm.
No one’s panic meter has exploded—yet. Week 0 gave us UNLV wobbles, Stanford sadness, and a greasy turf game in Dublin, but nothing that justifies firing coordinators or raiding the transfer portal at 2 a.m.

Translation: Consider this your weekly system test. The real anxiety starts next Saturday.

📍 Circle It - Clemson Tigers

Why We’re Watching Closely
The Tigers kick off 2025 with a blockbuster opener and follow it up with a gauntlet stretch that demands zero mental errors.

Week-by-Week Breakdown:

• Week 1 – Saturday, August 30
  vs. No. 9 LSU, SEC, at Memorial Stadium in Clemson, SC.
  A top‑10 clash right out of the gate, highest stakes without a hint of warm-up.

• Week 2 – Saturday, September 6
  vs. Troy, Sun Belt, at Clemson, SC.
  A chance to recalibrate, but don’t let the Group-of-Five label lull you into autopilot. Every turnover is magnified here.

• Week 3 – Saturday, September 13
  at Georgia Tech, ACC, in Atlanta, GA.
  A road game in a major conference, and Clemson can’t afford to treat it like a breather.

That’s it for this week’s edition of “please clap, but also pay $14 for nachos.”
Until next time, keep your QB depth chart fluid and your panic button within reach.

— The Convert on Fourth Down Team

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