Texas Talks, Utah Hits, Illinois Confuses

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Welcome back, roster autopsists, heat index deniers, and depth chart conspiracy theorists.

If August is the month of hope, training camp is the bonfire that burns it all a little too bright. Coaches swearing their backup QB is “pushing for the job” while he’s taking reps in the walk-through line. Beat writers tweeting about hydration breaks like they’re insider intel. And the Big Ten? Already leaking half its playoff math before a snap has been played.

This newsletter is for the sickos counting which freshmen are running with the twos, the fans who can spot a disguised blitz from a 15-second practice clip, and anyone irrationally furious that “best shape of his life” season still hasn’t been outlawed.

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📰 HEADLINES: Where Logic Goes to Die

Belichick Learns the College Game Isn’t the NFL
Tom Brady says there’s “probably a learning curve” for his old coach as Bill Belichick takes over at UNC. Translation: recruiting isn’t the same as drafting, and boosters aren’t exactly Robert Kraft.
📎 Read More

DeBoer’s CFP Mandate
After an 11–2 debut season at Alabama, Kalen DeBoer faces the unspoken Crimson Tide law: make the playoff or the seat gets warm. A stacked SEC schedule looms, and the fanbase isn’t interested in transition years.
📎 Read More

Mahomes Cheers Texas Tech’s Recruiting Heist
Patrick Mahomes is hyped after Texas Tech landed the No. 1 overall recruit. If Joey McGuire plays this right, the Red Raiders could be the Big 12’s chaos agent in 2025.
📎 Read More

CFP Fixes the Seeding Soap Opera
The College Football Playoff will now seed all 12 teams strictly and allow independents like Notre Dame to earn first-round byes. So yes, expect Notre Dame fans to immediately start calculating how to make it 11-1 without playing a conference title game.
📎 Read More

Tom Brady Thinks College Players Have It Too Easy
Brady says NIL and the portal have created entitlement. This from a guy who made millions, married a supermodel, and ate avocado ice cream for a living. Pot, meet kettle.
📎 Read More

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🤯Fourth & Delusional

Texas is still riding the preseason No. 1 hype train like it’s powered by pure BBQ smoke and Arch Manning’s last name. Yes, the Longhorns have talent. They also have a rookie SEC schedule that’s basically a booby-trap course. The defense still feels like it could surrender 28 to Rice, and Sark’s biggest challenge might be convincing boosters that “process” isn’t a dirty word.

This is the same program that needed fourth-quarter heroics to beat Kansas State last year and somehow thinks Baton Rouge in October is just another road trip. The talent is there, but so is the pressure, and in Austin, that pressure doesn’t make diamonds, it usually makes coaching searches. But sure, go ahead and plan the parade.

This One’s Personal 🎯

Utah at UCLA — August 30, 2025
Rose Bowl lights, realignment déjà-vu. Utah arrives as a second-year Big 12 squad trying to shed the 5–7 hangover from 2024, while UCLA is settling into its second Big Ten life. For Utah, this is a chance to show its rugged identity, built in the Mountain West, tempered in the Pac-12, now forged anew in the Big 12—is still alive and kicking. For the Bruins, it's less about “welcome to the Big Ten” and more about proving they can win this before they run out of gas on all the flight miles.

Expect gritty trench warfare, a chance for Utah’s revamped offense to show its mettle, and at least one coach insisting it’s just “another game,” knowing full well everyone is watching. If it comes down to a final drive, trust the Utes ugly wins are still wins.

💸 The Spread Option

SEC Winner Odds Snapshot

Texas sits atop the board at +280, edging out Georgia and Alabama as bookmakers’ current favorite to win the SEC.

Georgia follows closely at +300, still heavy—but not dominant—after losing the 2024 title to Texas.

Alabama checks in at +480, with the Tide trying to reboot under Kalen DeBoer amid mid-tier expectations.

LSU and Ole Miss lurk at +950—both underdogs worth watching if things break their way.

What That Actually Means

Texas has all the swagger, from Arch Manning to a defense that didn’t skip a beat last year. They aren’t just the SEC’s darlings; they’re the market’s pick. Georgia, resilient as always, is right behind, banking on talent development to climb back. Meanwhile, Alabama, under pressure after a 9–4 finish, is hoping familiarity and DeBoer’s scheme save them from public backlash.

Look for value plays in the longshots like LSU and Ole Miss, both loaded enough to surprise if the top dogs bobble early.

What Even Is This Stat? 🤔

Illinois improved its AP Preseason ranking more than any Big Ten team—cracking the Top 15 for the first time since 1990, landing at No. 12 in the 2025 AP Preseason Poll, after finishing 2024 at No. 16. That’s the kind of upward momentum that looks more like a relaunch than a routine bounceback.

That’s it for this week’s edition of “why is August already talking like it’s December?”

Until then, remember: punting is for cowards.

— The Convert on Fourth Down Team

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